A conversation between me and my anxiety
It was a good day, the sun shone bright, and the communal calls we have come to be a part of went well. I said to myself, today is going to be a good day, and as I said that the black clouds of anxiety started to loom over me.
I am continuing to write this a good two weeks post the idea first pops into my head, a voice inside my head said this has to be perfect and then anxiety struck, and I dealt with it. Increasingly I am beginning to realize there is no way I can articulate this. Mostly because it’s a web of entangled thoughts and every thought leads to another tangent and every tangent to another view; the process isn’t circular it’s random. If one were just to use the title of Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s book called fooled by randomness, I’m it, the fool fooled by the randomness of all my thoughts, tangents and more thoughts.
There are no conversations between my anxiety and me, just decaying silence, sometimes haunting and sometimes beautiful either way it is loud.
What I can do is to tell you all that my anxiety follows a design thinking approach, bucketed for my convenience to deep dive into a manic sweat thinking about each ‘topic’ as a potential to just spiral out of control.
I will end this here, as abruptly as it started, which is just a small intro into how my anxiety is, abrupt and senseless.